Hold Fast. Let Go.
14/11/2012 § 10 Comments
As I mentioned last week, I still have yet to return home due to damages my apartment building suffered during Hurricane Sandy. I have been removed from my normal routine and neighborhood, but I recognize that compared to some, I have lost very little. I am very sorry to have been an absentee parent these past few days, and I wanted to let you know that your emails checking in on me have been a particularly bright spot for me in this stretch of time. Thank you! xo
That said, I have found these past few weeks difficult. Personally, when I feel like I have a sense of control over things, I feel the most secure. Having to leave my home has forced me to cede a certain amount of that control, and that has been disconcerting. But I believe that this also speaks to a larger concept that I have struggled with throughout my life: the concept of letting go – the process of detaching myself from an outcome, a routine, a person, or a relationship that I have invested my time, my money or my heart (or even all three) into.
In the early post-Sandy days, I realized that I was hanging on to a lot of frustration at being displaced and also at not being able to do anything about it. It bled over into other areas of my life, causing me to feel sullen and wanting to retreat – all because I felt like I had lost my sense of control over my living conditions. That’s it! I hadn’t really lost anything at all! Well, maybe aside from a few trips to my local — yet overpriced — bodega. And maybe my perspective.
So, this past week I have tried my best to keep in mind that this change is only temporary, to trust that I will be home soon, to embrace a new neighborhood and to be very thankful that I have the help of some truly lovely friends. It isn’t every day that I get the opportunity to step outside my usual box and since I haven’t lived on the Upper East Side since 2008, I’ve spent a lot of time simply walking around the neighborhood. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed visiting a few of my old favorite places like the Ralph Lauren mansion, Sant Ambroeus and The Frick, discovering new (to me, at least) gems like the Lexington Bar and Books and Creel & Gow, and I actually forced myself to get out and run in Central Park over the beautiful fall weekend we had. Changing my perspective was hard work, but I’ve been feeling much, much better.
Taking a step back to look at the bigger picture, there is something very, very easy – and very dangerous – in the refusal to let go of negativity. It’s what a good friend described to me as being “comfortably sad.” You get comfortable with being sad or frustrated, because you aren’t quite sure what it would feel like to try to let that go and move forward. If you’re at all like me, that can seem a bit like jumping out of a plane without being completely sure that you’ve got your parachute – and your two backup parachutes, too. But the thing is, if we hold on to anger or sadness or regret or pain, we prevent ourselves from moving forward. We prevent growth.
This can obviously apply to personal relationships as well, and I know I’ve definitely been guilty of this myself. Holding on to a relationship that isn’t really working or miring yourself in the pain of a relationship that has ended, can sometimes seem like the easier path – better the devil you know. True, it is a way to avoid dealing with any new feelings or facing the fear of the unknown, but you’re also completely foreclosing your opportunity to be truly happy. It isn’t easy, don’t get me wrong. It is a painful process, but it’s nothing compared to the pain of a life spent unfulfilled. I want you to know that you are worth that risk. I want you to try to let go.
The first step, is knowing when to say when. I oddly found inspiration in an old nautical term, illustrated in the picture above, from a 1940 issue of Life Magazine (which you can view here). The traditional sailor tattoo “hold fast” written across the knuckles, is a good luck charm – one of many such symbolic tattoos worn by seamen throughout the years – to ensure the bearer’s steady grip as he worked onboard. A “fast” refers to a line (or rope) that has been secured. However, “hold fast” – or rather, it’s Dutch origins hou’vast or houd vast – also gave rise to the nautical term “avast,” meaning to cease, or to stop. One term, two very different meanings.
What I chose to take away from this nautical history moment, is that the same hands that can hold fast to something – or someone – are just as capable of letting go. And while there definitely are things in life that are worth fighting for, not everything is. What I hope you’ll realize, is that there is just as much strength in the surrender.
Hold fast. Let go.
New Addition || Put A Horse On It: Life Magazine, 1937
01/05/2012 § 5 Comments
This weekend while on a walk in my neighborhood, I stopped by one of my favorite shops in Tribeca, Philip Williams Posters, on a bit of a lark. While the store is best known for its collection of vintage posters, my attention was drawn from the window by what looked like a massive stack of magazines. Once inside, I simultaneously realized that they were Life Magazines and that my afternoon was pretty much sealed.
You already know how much I love Life Magazine: I collect them, I read virtual copies on Google Books and wander for (way too many) hours in the online archive. Coming at this cache of vintage media from multiple directions sometimes provides the opportunity for the kind of pleasant surprise I had this weekend.
First off, you put a horse on anything and I will at least give it a second look. You put one on the cover of a Life Magazine from the 1930s and mention it’s a polo pony? Dead. Before even cracking this baby open, I knew it was coming home with me. But when I did, I realized I was already familiar with the photos inside as they were part of a set that I had discovered in the archives a few weeks ago — and trust me when I say there is nothing in there tagged “polo” that I haven’t already seen.
I especially love the advertisements.
The feature is about George H. “Pete” Bostwick (August 14, 1909 – January 13, 1982), steeplechase jockey, horse trainer, 8-goal polo player and grandson to Jabez A. Bostwick, a founder and treasurer of Standard Oil Company of New York and partner of John D. Rockefeller. Pete’s favored game, high-goal polo, was a pastime of the wealthy in the 1930s, but Pete made an unprecedented, egalitarian move: he invited the public to watch him and his friends play at Bostwick Field on Long Island, charging only fifty cents for admission. It was an immediate hit.
These photos were taken 1937 in Long Island by Alfred Eisenstaedt. Because relatively few actually made it into the issue, having access to the archive allowed me to really enjoy even more photos than were published. This is about to be a long post, so I must apologize in advance if you don’t enjoy looking at black and white photos of horses, polo or people in their Sunday best. I will apologize, but I’ll think you’re kinda crazy.
A 28 year-old Pete Bostwick, center.
“There is no use sitting in school when one
can sit on a horse and go somewhere.“
Pete Bostwick: lover of polo, beer and cable knit sweaters.
If you’d like to read the feature yourself, you can find it here, via Google Books.
Philip Williams Posters || 122 Chambers St., Tribeca || 212.513.0313
Reading List || The Titanic Edition
12/04/2012 § 2 Comments
Grand staircase of the Titanic. Image via Retronaut.
I have a mild obsession with Titanic — the historical event much more so than the Cameron film, but I’m not going to even try to pretend like I didn’t make my high school boyfriend sit through that 3 hour extravaganza — twice.** And so, I’ve put together a roundup Reading List in honor of the 100th anniversary of the Titanic disaster; the concurrent 15th anniversary and 3D release of the 1997 James Cameron film; and the people who didn’t realize Titanic was real, not just a movie:
Amazing photographs: Construction of the Titanic || Interiors of the Titanic || Photographs taken onboard Titanic by Father SJ Browne || Titanic Survivors {all via Retronaut}
Titanic Guide to New York City Part 1 & Part 2 {via Scouting New York} — top it off with a stay at The Jane Hotel, where the survivors stayed 100 years ago {via Designtripper}
Seven Famous People Who Missed the Titanic {via Smithsonian.com}
Guernsey’s and Bonhams both auction off Titanic artifacts this week. View selected items {via Artinfo}
Fashion and ephemera salvaged from the deep: On the Titanic, Defined by What They Wore {via NY Times}
Every *MAN* for himself: Researchers say male chivalry on sinking ships is a myth {via Washington Post}
Remastering Rose and Jack: Converting Titanic to 3D with a cool infographic {via NY Times}, but if you happen to be in China, don’t get all excited about Rose’s 3D boobs {via LA Times}
Unsinkable Molly Brown presenting a loving cup to Captain Arthur Rostron, master of the RMS Carpathia, the ocean liner that rescued the survivors from the Titanic. Image via the Library of Congress.
**and I may have gotten the tiniest of lumps in my throat upon my first viewing of the 3D trailer in the theatre. Don’t you judge me! I was young and impressionable!
First Quarter: Affirmative, Roger that.
28/03/2012 § 6 Comments
Image via George Eastman House
Ladies and germs, March has been a terrifically busy, yet rather challenging month, I kid you not. As we close out this first quarter of 2012 — poof! gone! — I wanted to briefly discuss the topic of resolutions, both of the New Year’s and Lenten variety. Ohhhh yes, remember those? As we inch closer to 2013, how have you fared? For me, I’m rating my success a solid C+
As for resolutions: I’ve started three books but I haven’t been able to fight my way to the end of any of them. I have done some running, but nothing near the distances I need to be ready for a half marathon. I haven’t actually cooked anything, but I have started to buy groceries. I haven’t been anywhere near a horse. I have been actively working at identifying what I want, clearly asking for it, and working to make it happen.
As for Lent: I have successfully banished the snooze button and breakfast sandwiches, but dairy, on the other hand, has been harder to shake. (We’ll talk about passive negativity in a moment…)
When I take a step back and see all the goals I made for myself and my uneven progress toward achieving them, I have a natural inclination to focus on what hasn’t been done and freak myself out about that. I’m obviously a failure. Not only will I completely ignore the big wins (my love of the snooze bar is well documented — an epic snoozer, I would sometimes hit it for over an hour before rising), I will cast aside the smaller victories I’ve made in the process of achieving the greater goals (e.g., groceries first, then cooking) as not good enough. And then the fatalism comes shuffling in: Since I’ve already messed it all up, why even keep trying? For me, it can be difficult sometimes to give myself a break and let success come a little slower than my irrational brain — and pride — would like. So here’s where my attempted ban on passive negativity steps in. By honoring what I have already accomplished and by recognizing that achieving these goals will not be a quick as flipping on a light switch, I feel more relaxed and much more open to the change and commitment these resolutions require.
But how to do this? As crazy as it might sound, I simply try to take a moment to reflect on my progress, call out my victories and give myself a mental pat on the back. You could do this in a moment of meditation on the train or in your car, write about it in your journal, or if you’re not shy about expressing it you could give the words even more strength by saying them out loud. By choosing to spend my time thinking, writing or even speaking positively, I give power to these thoughts and my spirits are immediately lifted. It becomes easier to accept the little stumbles on the way to achieving my goals. I am reminded that as long as I pick myself up, dust myself off and start again, everything is fine.
And for a little inspiration, two child affirmation prodigies you may have already met, but should definitely visit with again:
So let’s agree to take a moment and have a bit of celebration for the awesomeness that you are, and commit to making the second quarter even better.
And I would love to hear about your goals and your progress as well!
For Serious, Matilda.
22/02/2012 § 8 Comments
Taken by Nina Leen, 1947.
There is no real reason I selected this picture, other than for its awesomeness. I like to call it: “This hat and I are about to kick your ass in bridge. For serious, Matilda.”
Today, I am getting serious about Lent, though. I’m not especially religious, nor am I a Catholic (I’m actually a lapsed Episcopalian), but every Lenten season, I like to challenge myself to give up something. For those unaware, Lent runs from Ash Wednesday (today) through Easter Sunday; 40 days in total. For Christians it is a period of penitence, of giving up certain luxuries and of fasting.
Am I turning into a Sunday School blog? Hardly.
But I do think the concept of penitence is applicable universally, no matter what altar you choose to worship at. A 40 day period is a great amount of time to reflect upon yourself, your personal habits and things you might want to change. To abstain from some of your bad habits for 40 days will take some willpower. I once managed to convince a very unhappy Mister to give up booze with me, rough going indeed, but we survived. They say it takes only 30 days to cement a new habit, so why not seize upon the season to make some purposeful changes?
What I will attempt to give up for the next 40 days:
- The snooze button. You will be profoundly missed!
- Those delightful bacon, egg and cheese bagel sandwiches I’m very fond of
- …and dairy in general, for that matter.
- Passive negativity
What about you?
You guys are the absolute tops.
xoxo. M.
Questions? Comments? Suggestions?
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Great Loves: Nellie and Coach Wooden
14/02/2012 § 3 Comments
After she passed away in 1985, Coach Wooden wrote his wife Nellie — his first, last and true love — a love letter every month.
Interviewer: How do you make love last in a marriage?
Coach: There’s only one way. Truly truly truly love. Most powerful thing there is. It’s true, it’s true. It must be true.
For more of my Great Loves posts, head here.
A Girl’s New Best Friend
09/02/2012 § 4 Comments
I wonder if anyone uses their Apple TV to watch as many classic films as I do.
Doubtful.
After much deliberation, I finally purchased the Apple TV receiver from the sparkling new Apple Store in Grand Central two weeks ago. Initially a bit daunted by the tiny black box, its attendant cords and its installation, I was quite pleased to find the process a breeze. After five minutes of plugging things in and hiding the cords away and two minutes of linking my router and entering my Netflix information, I was streaming media like none other. A minute after that I blew my own mind when I figured out how to find my iTunes account on my laptop. It was like a real-life Minority Report! Ok, not really — but I was rather pleased with myself.
I have been running through the classic films on the instant streaming service of Netflix ever since, which is only $8/month. My one complaint, if I must have one, is that specific artists can be difficult to find if you can’t guess (or don’t know) the name of one of their films that Netflix has available to stream. You can’t simply search by actor or director name. Now departing from my soapbox. Overall, I highly recommend Apple TV. It’s kind of amazing.
I recently spent an evening revisiting one of my very favorite films — which also happens the inspiration source for the name of this blog, in fact. If you have never seen the Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell film Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953), I will pause for a moment for you to drop absolutely everything you are doing and go watch it. No, really. I’ll wait. Most famous of course for the iconic musical number “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend,” the film is a madcap romp detailing the adventures of two best friends as they search for suitable mates with suitably fat wallets. Both actresses are at their archetypal best: Monroe as the ditzy blonde, Russell as the wisecracking brunette.
It’s kind of amazing how every time I watch Marilyn, I discover again how damned talented the woman was. When made the transition from actor to icon, it became so easy to reduce her to representative symbols: her blonde hair, the billowing white dress, her beauty mark, her voice. In Gentlemen Prefer Blondes you get to enjoy all that Marilyn has to offer: her spot-on comic timing, her lovely dancing and her singing (mostly, she got a little help on some songs). It really is no wonder Marilyn’s performance has inspired so many homages, and that none really come close to touching the original. Even if I do enjoy watching Nate, Dan and Chuck attempt choreography.
The original, 1953.
Madonna, Material Girl, 1985.
Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge, 2001.
Blake Lively for Gossip Girl, 2012.
Also charming is “Two Little Girls from Little Rock.”
Images via Life Archives.
As I visit with old favorites and make new discoveries (Gregory Peck in Twelve O’Clock High was a revelation!) I can’t help but find it a bit humorous that I’ve taken what is the probably one of the most modern ways to consume media and have turned it into a time machine into the past. Humorous, but not surprising. In any event, if you like classic films as much as I do, the winning combination of Apple TV and Netflix instant will be your new Best Friend.
But of course I still like diamonds.
World War I in Color: The Autochromes of Albert Kahn
31/01/2012 § 1 Comment
Color Autochromes — an early form of color photography — taken during WWI, from the collection of Albert Kahn. It is an amazing real-life look into the world that Downton Abbey so elegantly recreated for Masterpiece Theatre. Sidenote: I am completely obsessed with the show. Are you?
Kahn was a French banker and philanthropist who attempted to collect a photographic record of the entire world between 1909 and 1931. Amassing over 72,000 Autochromes, Kahn’s collection included historical records of 50 countries and was little-seen until recently. Kahn’s archive formed the basis of a recent BBC miniseries and accompanying book, The Wonderful World of Albert Kahn: Colour Photographs from a Lost Age. Find out more here.
**Update: Just found a place online where you can watch a bit of the documentary. Find part 1 here and part 2 here, courtesy of Ovation. Enjoy!
The Mating Game, 1938
01/08/2011 § 3 Comments
Way to go Robert. Way. To. Go.
This coming weekend I am headed up to Portsmouth, New Hampshire to attend the wedding of two very special friends. They are amazing people and a doubly amazing couple and I can’t wait to celebrate them.
Apropos of the impending nuptials, I wanted to share a charming little article from my LIFE Magazine collection on the very subject. It seems in Detroit in 1938, young couples like Robert Cannell and Dorothy Frances Stark (pictured above), attended lectures and courses in order to figure out if they were suited to marry. (When Robert wasn’t hitting Dorothy in the face with his badminton racquet, that is). The main motivation for attending the classes? “…the experience of two out of ten married friends who a few years ago were wed in a shower of glory, love and rice, and now are divorced, separated or miserable.”
Catch that? The “two out of ten” part? Wonder what they would think about our five or six out of ten situation today…?
The would-be couples attended group sessions with doctors, social workers and budget experts, and had private consultations with a priest, all in the pursuit of a “successful” marriage. It seems the attitude in 1938 was that any problem could be solved, if you threw the right combination of scientists and religion at it. The article is full of amusing euphemisms, as you might expect from a family magazine from the 1930s — my favorite example: “A great percentage of divorces are due to physical maladjustment often resulting from lack of knowledge or training,” under a picture of a gynecologist pointing to a large medical diagram of a uterus. Sexy.
Concerned couples. Seasoned experts.
Don’t they look happy?
Now, for readers who didn’t happen to be in Detroit (and for those of us living in 2011), LIFE generously included a questionnaire used in the classes that was supposed to give a clear indication of whether or not a couple would “make it.” Some of my favorites:
- Do you believe sexual harmony is necessary to happy marriage?
- Do you love your fiancee more than your mother?
- Will you live with your parents?
- Do you attend church regularly?
- Do you show your fiancee little courtesies?
If any couples out there are itching to take the full length quiz, I’d be happy to send it along. I’m not sure on the shelf life, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that living with your parents is always a bad move. Oh, and physical maladjustment. Avoid that one at all costs.
Quite Continental 